Almost a year ago, I packed up my apartment, shared bittersweet goodbyes with friends and colleagues, and moved back to North Carolina.
A four-year relationship with a city I loved quickly became part of my past. I was relieved to move forward, but I was anxious to move towards whatever those next steps would reveal.
Without a job at the time or an idea of when I’d be able to get settled on my own, I threw up my hands to the uncertainty that wrapped around me. Everything that had become familiar was swept from under me. Cary, NC, may have been my hometown, but I found myself feeling a bit lost, trying to find my footing again. Trying to rediscover a home for myself.
Life is graceful, patient, and understanding. I frequently forget all of those things. I forget how forgiving life can be and how it moves at a pace outside of us yet utterly integral to each of us. It moves us, shakes us, and wakes us up when it’s ready–not when we think we are.
When I think back to where I was then and where I am now–the difference is startling. My life has such a different pace and my lifestyle feels so, so different from the one I had in Chicago, but everything evolved in its own time, and I am happy with where I am, happy to finally feel settled. The change is good, natural; I’ve managed to create a life for myself that I couldn’t have imagined yet feel thankful for every single day.
This is my last week at Fuqua, Duke’s School of Business. Although my RA position was set to wrap up at the end of September, I got an excellent job offer and jumped on the opportunity to finally start my publishing career. As of August, I will be an Editorial Associate at Duke University Press. For so many reasons, I am very thrilled about the position and, on some days, I can’t believe I’ll finally be doing the kind of work at the kind of company I’ve wanted to work for; it seems like such a rare thing these days.
It’s hard to believe I’ve been at Duke for ten months already, but I’m ready for the change. And emotionally, I’ve been anxious about getting to this week because I know it’s the end of one big thing and the beginning of another. Anyone that knows me knows that my job has never defined who I am, nor have I wanted it to. However, over the past year, I have had a growing desire to be doing work that excites me and motivates me more. There needs to be more than just a paycheck that keeps you in the game. And I’m so ready for August.
The new job will also be a considerable change in my routine and a change for Theo and me. It’ll take a while for us to feel comfortable and set in our ways with my new schedule, but we’re ready–I’m ready.
I don’t feel like I’ve necessarily arrived, but I’m writing to say that I’m proud of how far I’ve been able to come in a year. And I’m lucky to have so many wonderful people who have supported me over the months and several other extraordinary people that I’ve also met in that time.
I haven’t been updating this blog as much as I’d like, and with the looming transition ahead of me, I’ve decided to end “Four and a Half and Counting.”
My blog had a modest run for over a year and a half; it’s time. And it’s only natural that the end of one thing marks the beginning of something else. With August right around the corner, I’m ready to wrap up loose ties and prepare for a new chapter. Ready myself to start something else, start something new.
Clean slate, open heart. Renewed perspective.
“Four and a Half and Counting” was an excellent way to chronicle my thoughts and anxieties about graduation, job hunting, and the big what-ifs that followed. Now, however, I need a new voice. And although I haven’t quite figured out what that voice will be, I know it won’t be this one.
I’m in the process of working on a new project (ASK THEO CASANOVA) as well as starting a photo blog, so those are a couple things to look forward to from this corner of the world.
For anyone who has kept up with my entries since last year–thank you so much! And to my friends and family, please know that I wouldn’t be doing so well today if it wasn’t for all the encouragement, criticism, and love that I’ve received from you. You challenge me and push me and help me grow in ways you don’t even realize. And that kind of friendship and support is incredibly priceless.
“Life is too short to be little.” -Benjamin Disraeli
Make the most of it, my friends. Stay well. And thank you for reading :)